Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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