Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
