He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
