But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
