i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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