my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
