The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
