as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
