shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
