Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
