I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
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