Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
