how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
