all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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