Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
