I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im holly from the hills drunk
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
