pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
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I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
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I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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