I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
