it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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