I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
