There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
