He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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