I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
