just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
