If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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