I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
