The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
