so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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