just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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