This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
