Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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