She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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