Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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