Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
