the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
