Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
