he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
