The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
