I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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