The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
