I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
