Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
