I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
