We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
