Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
