it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
