I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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