I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
