We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
