why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I pour the whiskey from now on
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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