i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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