Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
