You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
