Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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