Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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