she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I love you. Go after that dick
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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