i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
