just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
