The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
