Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
