What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
