I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All I want is dick and wine.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
