Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
