i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
