After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
