hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
COCAINE IS GR8
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
