Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
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I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
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Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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