New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
