you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
