So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
