i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
